Once Upon a Time in  Random Land
by laura loom
Summary: Ah, the mind works in strange ways, and in my case, mildly insane ways. See what happens when a totally random journal entry of Jace's lands in the hands of Clary. Caution: for those who prone to seizures, do not read. Just kidding.


**Before this begins, just let me tell you, dear reader, that I mean no offense to whoever this story might apply to. My mind is very... odd, and this is just it's vomit in a way. I am not in any way trying to hurt anyone with this... odd bit of whatever this is.**

Once upon a time, there lived a migdet…. That migdet ( and I don't think I spelled this right) was a poligomest in his spare time (and I obviously don't read dictionaries in mine), and thus-

"Knew his women folk well, that migdet diod. Never a man did I 'errer lauy I's on tha new ess way 'round women like the migde. Once he even-"

And I have three words for you, random comentator! I don't wannaknow!

"Well ain't yoo a trixfy un! Yoo ust changed un vurd inta-"

Same three words again! My, isn't my vocabulary emmmmensible! Now where was I….. ….. Oh Yes!

Now the mermaid you see, well he wasn't just ANY transgender crossdresser! He was Neptune's very own so-daughter! Lot's of folk often enough called hi-her Ariel, but he preferred loofa. Or Alfalfa on alternating Wednesdays and Saturdays… You had to be there.

Anyway, he dropped from the moon on this HUGE silver chair, and he then decided that the only people true to their confusing mixed up genders that not a one understands and spends ridiculous amounts of time obsessing over and trying desperately to grasp only to be so deeply confused so as to lose all sense of time and direction….. where waaaaaassssssssss Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…

Shooting fish in a barrel… a place of sight… oh my garnet… a pace that only hump-backed whales can compete with… peanuts exploding in a microwave… inside an overturned plastic bucket… on top of old smokey…

Sorry, my confusing mind temporarily over took my whole consciousness. Back to the story.

Now the midget… His wives didn't like that he was seeing other women, so they desided to hold an intervention. They had this huge banner that said "Faithfullness" on it, but seeing as he was on some serious steroids in an effort to become taller, he thought the banner said… something else, and he picked up a gun, waved it around, threatened to shoot the cat with it, and then, on realizing that they didn't own a cat, shot the piano, then a chair, and then, finally, the door, unknowingly killing a door- to- door salesman, and inspiring that salesman's wife to write Death of a Salesman. Who knew: the inconsequential death of a salesman, and a classic is born.

Anyway… the mermaid-man wanted some freedom from his all- powerful- father, and, having had a crush on a salesman for quite some time, ran away to Soviet Russia and to this day runs an orangutang zoo, or that is to say a zoo for orangutanes, or a home for orange apes…

Stupid jerk! He stole my happy-go-lucky-free-spirited nature!

_What the heck? Clary thought, dropping the leather-bound book in her haste to escape the... whatever that was. She had just been reading Jace's "journal" for something to do as he was going to be out late on a mission, and boy was she regretting that decision. All the other entries had been normal, until, that is, she stumbled on THAT. _

_Two hours, and five TV shows later, Jace flounced into the room, pausing when he saw Clary still up. And then he noticed the banner._

_"Ummm... what is that supposed to mean?" Jace asked, pointing to the hastily made "Faithfulness" banner hanging above Clary's head._

_"It's what I like to call _Jace's Journal Merchandise,_ and I have something to ask you."_

_Jace gulped._

_"What are you on, Jace?"_

**Woah. That's all I can say. For those of you who survived this mind numbing experience, let me tell you, I... don't know what to say. Please review, but let me let you know that I (like most people- wait that's ironic- that I'm like most people because I'm clearly more than a little funny in the mind) just lost my train of thought. And that I just remembered said train of thought! Huzzah! Anyway, abusive reviews will be... not appreciated, to say the least, and bye!**

**My brain hurts. *massages temple***

And a fat woman sings, and a man fails at the owl call. Then, the emershop salesman sells a guitar, and hops a car to Milwalky.

Ah, man, this just isn't my year.

Next episode: Death of a SalesMermaid- Forever a Migdet, and Never a Man!


End file.
